Thursday, October 15, 2009
wonder world.
guess what? the whole world is different, except oddly, disappointingly, exactly the same. this week the embryonic disk becomes a tube! this is huge! you have some bumps on you i can't remember the name of that later will become muscles and organs! this is so gigantic, and yet i look, and mostly feel, exactly the same. except i can't have any beer. so far, this is kind of a raw deal.
we're going to see the midwife in a couple weeks, and i don't really know what she's going to say. good job with those vitamins? keep going to yoga? it'll be too early for the heartbeat, and so far as i can tell, there's just not that much to know right now.
every time i wake up and cuddle with the monkey, i think: will we never get to do this again? once there is a baby or a kid or a teenager or whatever, someone with needs? in the future, won't i have to be making banana pancakes right about now, or keeping someone off drugs, or working a third job? it wouldn't be a life change if i wasn't catastrophizing.
my mom makes a beeline for the baby clothes in any store, my dad says. i imagine her knitting a tiny hat, and i lose my shit. we are having a baby who will wear a tiny hat. a hat.
we're going to see the midwife in a couple weeks, and i don't really know what she's going to say. good job with those vitamins? keep going to yoga? it'll be too early for the heartbeat, and so far as i can tell, there's just not that much to know right now.
every time i wake up and cuddle with the monkey, i think: will we never get to do this again? once there is a baby or a kid or a teenager or whatever, someone with needs? in the future, won't i have to be making banana pancakes right about now, or keeping someone off drugs, or working a third job? it wouldn't be a life change if i wasn't catastrophizing.
my mom makes a beeline for the baby clothes in any store, my dad says. i imagine her knitting a tiny hat, and i lose my shit. we are having a baby who will wear a tiny hat. a hat.
Labels: chickpea
