Thursday, October 22, 2009
somersaults.
i had a dream that the baby was moving. like, MOVING. in the dream, i remembered hearing other people say that once you recognized the flutters of a moving fetus, you realize you've been feeling them for a while--and that freaked me out, because it was way too early to feel the amazing somersault i had just felt, without even thinking about how the moving must have started a while ago. giant overachiever baby.
in the dream, i called her a her. it made me feel all soft after i woke up, but so would calling-him-a-him have done.
meanwhile: i am feeling, sort of often, like i have adrenaline coursing through me. and i'm not even that freaked out. it feels oddly chemical, like maybe one of the baby hormones is PANIC. and i can't take any magic bean slow-downer pills. an anxiety fairy has pitched a tent in my chest. right now it seems to have gone away for a bit, which is good because i don't want the chickpea on a steady diet of acetylcholine, or whatever special cocktail fight-or-flight pours.
i had this sweet fantasy that when i got pregnant, i would save up money so i could have a massage every month. i was prepared to scrimp, too. and then the monkey went to the dentist, and, rootcanalcrowncrownperiodontistcavity, and now we are going to have to get a mortgage for his mouth. and five other things came surprise due all at once, and now . . . all extras are out. sigh. pregnant ladies who have to be off their anxiety meds cannot go to the cheap bathhouse in koreatown to relax because the superhot soaking tub poaches their fetuses. they cannot take their klonopin. they cannot enjoy a martini. they cannot have that nice ganja gelato from the dispensary. they try to breathe and mediate, but when the anxiety pixie is hosting a drum circle in their chests, this doesn't go so well. thank god we still have yoga.
in the dream, i called her a her. it made me feel all soft after i woke up, but so would calling-him-a-him have done.
meanwhile: i am feeling, sort of often, like i have adrenaline coursing through me. and i'm not even that freaked out. it feels oddly chemical, like maybe one of the baby hormones is PANIC. and i can't take any magic bean slow-downer pills. an anxiety fairy has pitched a tent in my chest. right now it seems to have gone away for a bit, which is good because i don't want the chickpea on a steady diet of acetylcholine, or whatever special cocktail fight-or-flight pours.
i had this sweet fantasy that when i got pregnant, i would save up money so i could have a massage every month. i was prepared to scrimp, too. and then the monkey went to the dentist, and, rootcanalcrowncrownperiodontistcavity, and now we are going to have to get a mortgage for his mouth. and five other things came surprise due all at once, and now . . . all extras are out. sigh. pregnant ladies who have to be off their anxiety meds cannot go to the cheap bathhouse in koreatown to relax because the superhot soaking tub poaches their fetuses. they cannot take their klonopin. they cannot enjoy a martini. they cannot have that nice ganja gelato from the dispensary. they try to breathe and mediate, but when the anxiety pixie is hosting a drum circle in their chests, this doesn't go so well. thank god we still have yoga.
Labels: chickpea
