Tuesday, October 06, 2009


dear baby.

your dad called you an asshole the other day. he didn't mean it; you're just being kind of shy about excreting that one hormone that comes out in pee. so far we've had a negative test, a positive one, a really faintly positive one, and another negative. finally the nice nurse at ucl@ did what the first one should have done, which was leave a standing order for the urine test so i don't have to make an appointment each time. i'm going back in at the end of the week, and that test had better be positive.

because i'm sure i'm pregnant. pretty sure, not having been it before. my basal temperature has stayed high, which is promising, but the first piece of sureness was those weird fluttery twinges in my gut, like my abdomen was excited. and then the waking up early. and the heartburn (really? already?). i will take it. universe, i will take it. one baby, please. right here.

i have been calling you a zygote, for political reasons, but i'm really looking forward to your being a baby. although whenever i visualize it, you seem like a prop baby, like a baby i somehow know, even in this fantasy, that i am going to have to give back. here's the deal: i am never giving you back.

i told the yoga lady about you, even though you are only a chickpea. i didn't want you to fall out during plow pose or anything like that. i told your tante anni that i was pretty sure you were on board. and then i told k-to, in a weird email rush. and then i told the supermarket man as i bought root beer, and the neighbor and my spanish TA (both of whom i was asking for preg doctor recommendations, not just because i am a blabbermouth). i am, though. i am a blabbermouth. the monkey, i mean your father, is a little skittish about telling folks, and even though i told him i need to tell my people, i'm trying to let his moderation guide me. perhaps i should wait until the pee test at student health turns positive (come ON, mofos).

and maybe the grocery man does not need to know.

okay. do good in there. do some cellular stuff. i can't wait to know more about you.



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