Tuesday, August 26, 2008
well, i guess *sometimes* you know what's going to do it.
moe posted a question for his readers, recently, about the stand-out moment of their respective summers. when i read it, all i could think of was: this summer kind of stunk.
the reason why probably has lots to do with social isolation (don't worry! not going to talk about it again!) and some financial worries, but it probably also has to do with stopping the magic bean pills. which i did, sometime around the end of school. i've been having this weird hair loss issue, and i managed to find some folks on the internet talking about how w3llbutrin made their hair fall out. in retrospect, it's clear i was grasping at straws; no matter what it is that you're doing, someone on the internet is talking about how that very practice causes the thing that is wrong in your life--how your recent change of cat litter brands is probably responsible for your uncontrollable weeping, or something like that. suffice it to say my hair is still falling out.
and this summer has mostly been a stretch of scary and sad and anxious. it makes me sad to write that, actually; summer is supposed to be fun, especially when you're in school. i'm actually looking forward to getting back, since i don't seem to be doing well with the unstructured time. it's just more space to be nervous in.
i'd been on the meds for a long time, and i thought maybe i'd just see, you know? i'm lucky enough to live with someone who can shake me by the shoulders if i let things get bad and somehow don't notice. and he didn't have to, i'm deciding on my own that this experiment is over and probably not a grand success. there're still four weeks left until classes start; maybe it's not too late to have a little summer after all.
the reason why probably has lots to do with social isolation (don't worry! not going to talk about it again!) and some financial worries, but it probably also has to do with stopping the magic bean pills. which i did, sometime around the end of school. i've been having this weird hair loss issue, and i managed to find some folks on the internet talking about how w3llbutrin made their hair fall out. in retrospect, it's clear i was grasping at straws; no matter what it is that you're doing, someone on the internet is talking about how that very practice causes the thing that is wrong in your life--how your recent change of cat litter brands is probably responsible for your uncontrollable weeping, or something like that. suffice it to say my hair is still falling out.
and this summer has mostly been a stretch of scary and sad and anxious. it makes me sad to write that, actually; summer is supposed to be fun, especially when you're in school. i'm actually looking forward to getting back, since i don't seem to be doing well with the unstructured time. it's just more space to be nervous in.
i'd been on the meds for a long time, and i thought maybe i'd just see, you know? i'm lucky enough to live with someone who can shake me by the shoulders if i let things get bad and somehow don't notice. and he didn't have to, i'm deciding on my own that this experiment is over and probably not a grand success. there're still four weeks left until classes start; maybe it's not too late to have a little summer after all.
