Wednesday, July 11, 2007
overwhelm.
there's a lot to do.
some of it fun, some of it not; times when fun is ascendant and excitement feels all fermenty on my insides, but also some stretches where i cannot believe i signed on for this. the Important Party Planning, not the lifetime union, not the legal tattoo. i was believing that someone who likes art projects and dinner parties and opening nights might completely grok on wedding planning; that was a little pollyanna. there have been tears. worse, there has been extraordinary apathy.
however, now that he's back and we're getting within view of the good stuff, happiness is starting to assert itself. something big is going down in a little while, something that cannot be confined within a human day is being crucibled into a sunday evening on a big boat. at a friend's wedding last weekend i realized sort of freshly that it's an impossible day, that for it to mean all the things we take it to mean, stuffing it inside a single evening makes a sort of ludicrous bursting puppet out of the event. and still, ludicrosity and all, it all slows down to calm and quiet (or seems to, even at this wedding last week where there was a fair amount of Jesus/God, misattributed shakespeare and singers from disney cruise ships) for the part when the promises get made. and then zips right up to champagne speed again while the disco roars and the shoes come off.
we're about to take off. i hope it's not too blurry a blur. i dreamed again that we forgot the rings, and also the little bells i bought for people to ring when we kiss. then last night i dreamed i belonged to a battlestar galactica-like band of fugitives who were being chased by some cylon-like oppressors. hmm.
some of it fun, some of it not; times when fun is ascendant and excitement feels all fermenty on my insides, but also some stretches where i cannot believe i signed on for this. the Important Party Planning, not the lifetime union, not the legal tattoo. i was believing that someone who likes art projects and dinner parties and opening nights might completely grok on wedding planning; that was a little pollyanna. there have been tears. worse, there has been extraordinary apathy.
however, now that he's back and we're getting within view of the good stuff, happiness is starting to assert itself. something big is going down in a little while, something that cannot be confined within a human day is being crucibled into a sunday evening on a big boat. at a friend's wedding last weekend i realized sort of freshly that it's an impossible day, that for it to mean all the things we take it to mean, stuffing it inside a single evening makes a sort of ludicrous bursting puppet out of the event. and still, ludicrosity and all, it all slows down to calm and quiet (or seems to, even at this wedding last week where there was a fair amount of Jesus/God, misattributed shakespeare and singers from disney cruise ships) for the part when the promises get made. and then zips right up to champagne speed again while the disco roars and the shoes come off.
we're about to take off. i hope it's not too blurry a blur. i dreamed again that we forgot the rings, and also the little bells i bought for people to ring when we kiss. then last night i dreamed i belonged to a battlestar galactica-like band of fugitives who were being chased by some cylon-like oppressors. hmm.
