Wednesday, April 04, 2007
NO. NO. NO.
1. my mother mentioned the wedding to all of my father's cousins and did not think to lead them to question their assumption that they would all be invited (all: four cousins, with spouses, none of whom i know--we've met maybe twice). they began to toss around the idea of associating a family get together on the oregon coast with the wedding, since "everyone" would be in the same place. red flags. my mother said: it will never happen! this family is not the reuniting kind!
2. my mother professed to be surprised that i objected to the idea of inviting these people i don't know; it never occurred to her. she oscillated between declaring her hands were off of the wedding and we could do whatever we wanted, saying that family had to be included, and sending lists of people she wanted invited that included not only these cousins but friends of hers she hasn't seen in years and my next-door neighbors from growing up. the last time i was home i gently pressed, with the monkey's support, for a clear and unambiguous declaration of feeling regarding these invites: just how important were they? answer: invite whoever you want, i don't care! and, here's another list, with annotations re: why each prospective guest should be included!
3. my mother sent me an email this morning, the opening line of which was: "Don't kill me. Please." turns out the reunion plan is going forward, and she believes there is an unspoken assumption on the part of the family that everyone who is considering attending will recieve a wedding invitation, since the wedding is the raison d'etre of the gathering. which i will not be attending, because after the wedding there is a honeymoon. no one has contacted me about this reunion.
4. my mother, however, was contacted. in an email subject headed: "Wedding plans?" my dad's cousin bob's (husband of Fat Diane, if you saw the play i wrote about it where i wore a toilet paper dress) daughter angie addressed the following questions to an audience including all of my father's cousins, their spouses, and a few of their children: "so, what's the intel on louella's wedding?"
here is the motherfucking intel. first, please address these questions to me. not to my mother and a group of ten people who are not me, the groom or even really associated with either one of us. if you don't know my email address or phone number, please ask for them. in fact, perhaps that is a clue about how we are not close and you may not be invited to my wedding. another clue? the complete inanity of this phrase: "my dad's cousin bob's daughter angie." do you invite this person? no. you don't even know her last name.
weddings that do not include the children of second cousins are not only not bad manners, they are not unusual. what is bad manners? planning a family reunion around my wedding and not talking to me about it. suddenly, this "bob" who is spearheading the reunion is in charge of our guest list.
if you are my mother, please, please take a step back and a deep breath and realize how ridiculous this is. it's a wedding. the failure of the planners of a family reunion to hijack an invitation to it cannot be held against you by reasonable people. the stakes are lower than you think. and we cannot just extend the guest list to another generation of my father's family (from 8 to 18) because we don't have the budget, nor can we trim off the guest list friends of ours we have already verbally invited. and whom we actually like.
and if you are anyone anywhere: please never assume you are invited to a wedding. it is not classy.
2. my mother professed to be surprised that i objected to the idea of inviting these people i don't know; it never occurred to her. she oscillated between declaring her hands were off of the wedding and we could do whatever we wanted, saying that family had to be included, and sending lists of people she wanted invited that included not only these cousins but friends of hers she hasn't seen in years and my next-door neighbors from growing up. the last time i was home i gently pressed, with the monkey's support, for a clear and unambiguous declaration of feeling regarding these invites: just how important were they? answer: invite whoever you want, i don't care! and, here's another list, with annotations re: why each prospective guest should be included!
3. my mother sent me an email this morning, the opening line of which was: "Don't kill me. Please." turns out the reunion plan is going forward, and she believes there is an unspoken assumption on the part of the family that everyone who is considering attending will recieve a wedding invitation, since the wedding is the raison d'etre of the gathering. which i will not be attending, because after the wedding there is a honeymoon. no one has contacted me about this reunion.
4. my mother, however, was contacted. in an email subject headed: "Wedding plans?" my dad's cousin bob's (husband of Fat Diane, if you saw the play i wrote about it where i wore a toilet paper dress) daughter angie addressed the following questions to an audience including all of my father's cousins, their spouses, and a few of their children: "so, what's the intel on louella's wedding?"
here is the motherfucking intel. first, please address these questions to me. not to my mother and a group of ten people who are not me, the groom or even really associated with either one of us. if you don't know my email address or phone number, please ask for them. in fact, perhaps that is a clue about how we are not close and you may not be invited to my wedding. another clue? the complete inanity of this phrase: "my dad's cousin bob's daughter angie." do you invite this person? no. you don't even know her last name.
weddings that do not include the children of second cousins are not only not bad manners, they are not unusual. what is bad manners? planning a family reunion around my wedding and not talking to me about it. suddenly, this "bob" who is spearheading the reunion is in charge of our guest list.
if you are my mother, please, please take a step back and a deep breath and realize how ridiculous this is. it's a wedding. the failure of the planners of a family reunion to hijack an invitation to it cannot be held against you by reasonable people. the stakes are lower than you think. and we cannot just extend the guest list to another generation of my father's family (from 8 to 18) because we don't have the budget, nor can we trim off the guest list friends of ours we have already verbally invited. and whom we actually like.
and if you are anyone anywhere: please never assume you are invited to a wedding. it is not classy.
