Friday, April 27, 2007
leave me alone. and not just because i have five fucking papers to write.
you know, you're no good at apologizing. i think i'm just realizing this. you can be so tender, and so good, that i think this escaped me until now: you just won't say you're sorry.
you aren't the only one who should be sorry. i said stuff, too. and the premise of the whole thing is frankly ridiculous, and mostly on me--you're not wrong. but ridiculous or no, that thing you did hurt some soft places. i'm more than willing to cop to my own stupidity; in fact, i feel like i've been doing it for about twenty-four hours, at this point. and if i keep bringing it up, it's because no matter how wrong i am, i'd like to hear that the hurts matter. i can't shake this weird feeling that i'm being punished for being occupied with something other than you, for asking you to take the back seat for a little while. god forbid. it's not like i asked you for help planning the wedding.
it's just one of those days i want to push all your clothes to the other side of the closet. i don't want you to bring me coffee. i don't want to find your hair in the sink. you made me feel bad. i did that to you, too, but i also did the full-on, real, sincere apology. and right now i feel like you'd rather be right than kind and that sucks, so: go away for a few hours. go visit your independence. i'll be glad to see you when you get back.
you aren't the only one who should be sorry. i said stuff, too. and the premise of the whole thing is frankly ridiculous, and mostly on me--you're not wrong. but ridiculous or no, that thing you did hurt some soft places. i'm more than willing to cop to my own stupidity; in fact, i feel like i've been doing it for about twenty-four hours, at this point. and if i keep bringing it up, it's because no matter how wrong i am, i'd like to hear that the hurts matter. i can't shake this weird feeling that i'm being punished for being occupied with something other than you, for asking you to take the back seat for a little while. god forbid. it's not like i asked you for help planning the wedding.
it's just one of those days i want to push all your clothes to the other side of the closet. i don't want you to bring me coffee. i don't want to find your hair in the sink. you made me feel bad. i did that to you, too, but i also did the full-on, real, sincere apology. and right now i feel like you'd rather be right than kind and that sucks, so: go away for a few hours. go visit your independence. i'll be glad to see you when you get back.
