Monday, February 19, 2007
the sound of the second shoe dropping.
early 2007 has now seen both the T-minus six month mark for the wedding, and my thirty-and-a-half birthday. i suddenly feel like i've been slightly tipped downhill, like momentum is pushing at my lower back. i think i should go back to yoga.
it's one of those days i wish i could just think about the wedding. i don't mean to buy into the "perfect day" crap, but i do get wistful, occasionally, that this is the only time i'll get to do this and i don't get to bathe in it very much. too, the monkey was just cast in a show in a far-away city that will relegate wedding planning to an over-the-phone endeavor during the all-important weeks after i graduate and before we leave for seattle. that's really when i was planning on going medieval on all this stuff; i have seven weeks of no school to be all-wedding all-the-time and i was looking forward to him being part of that. on the other hand, it's my craziness that's putting it off so far, and the monkey can hardly be blamed for wanting to do a little sondheim once in a while. he's also up for a really lovely show very near by that would take place right before; think a good thought tomorrow at 10 a.m. EST.
i know it won't matter what the girls' dresses look like, whether i can find someone to do my hair, whether or not our friends stay in the same hotel, how soon or well i can pin down the music for the ceremony, whether we sit or stand, what the sight lines will be, what i do with my hands. i know this will not make me not married. i curse you, lifetime of women's magazines, for making me think these things stand in the way of my happiness. i also wish the one who is least afraid was around . . . she's a project person, and she managed to make tasks into opportunities when this all happened to her. that's the sort of fun i'd like to be having.
i really only care that appropriate care is taken. that we approach it like the Big Deal--Biggest Deal--that it is. i just hope we have time to do that.
okay. so, i'm going to go to california and freak out about other stuff for a while, and then meet you back here later.
it's one of those days i wish i could just think about the wedding. i don't mean to buy into the "perfect day" crap, but i do get wistful, occasionally, that this is the only time i'll get to do this and i don't get to bathe in it very much. too, the monkey was just cast in a show in a far-away city that will relegate wedding planning to an over-the-phone endeavor during the all-important weeks after i graduate and before we leave for seattle. that's really when i was planning on going medieval on all this stuff; i have seven weeks of no school to be all-wedding all-the-time and i was looking forward to him being part of that. on the other hand, it's my craziness that's putting it off so far, and the monkey can hardly be blamed for wanting to do a little sondheim once in a while. he's also up for a really lovely show very near by that would take place right before; think a good thought tomorrow at 10 a.m. EST.
i know it won't matter what the girls' dresses look like, whether i can find someone to do my hair, whether or not our friends stay in the same hotel, how soon or well i can pin down the music for the ceremony, whether we sit or stand, what the sight lines will be, what i do with my hands. i know this will not make me not married. i curse you, lifetime of women's magazines, for making me think these things stand in the way of my happiness. i also wish the one who is least afraid was around . . . she's a project person, and she managed to make tasks into opportunities when this all happened to her. that's the sort of fun i'd like to be having.
i really only care that appropriate care is taken. that we approach it like the Big Deal--Biggest Deal--that it is. i just hope we have time to do that.
okay. so, i'm going to go to california and freak out about other stuff for a while, and then meet you back here later.
