Tuesday, January 16, 2007
nice timing, hollywood foreign press association.
everyone who is accomplishing things right now, could you just knock that off?
ugh.
and don't tell me school is this big accomplishment, because i feel like i've spent two-thirds of an ungodly amount of money learning to feel never-quite-smart-enough and completely unseated as to what the next thing is, or if there is anything i actually want that i am capable of achieving. i don't know where the fuck we're going or who's going to make the bacon or when we'll have the stability to start making babies or if i can even do that. so everyone who is doing good work right now, please do not mind if i cry when i see you or shut my eyes and sing nonsense real loud to block it out. you are more than i can handle this week, even if i love you.
classes start on thursday. i'm hoping the dread i suddenly feel is mislaced. i know there'll be some excellent stuff in there, but jesus god. i'm just exhausted and wanting to get married already.
edit.
I WILL EAT THREE MINIATURE PEPPERMINT PATTIES AND THEN I WILL FEEL BETTER.
you know what this is? this is about discipline. i am instituting a regime. i am forming a coup. (forming? catalyzing?) somehow, i think tough love is going to make this one better, so: no television, one hour of computer time minus dayjob or specific wedding tasks, some seroius cleaning and three vegetables a day. early rising. i am making rules. starting right now. vacation is over. no shame, no punishment, just some serious discipline, as if enforced from the outside by someone with moral authority.
i am saying this precisely so you can judge me if i barf it: six weeks minimum of austerity measures. beginning now. we'll see what this does.
ugh.
and don't tell me school is this big accomplishment, because i feel like i've spent two-thirds of an ungodly amount of money learning to feel never-quite-smart-enough and completely unseated as to what the next thing is, or if there is anything i actually want that i am capable of achieving. i don't know where the fuck we're going or who's going to make the bacon or when we'll have the stability to start making babies or if i can even do that. so everyone who is doing good work right now, please do not mind if i cry when i see you or shut my eyes and sing nonsense real loud to block it out. you are more than i can handle this week, even if i love you.
classes start on thursday. i'm hoping the dread i suddenly feel is mislaced. i know there'll be some excellent stuff in there, but jesus god. i'm just exhausted and wanting to get married already.
edit.
I WILL EAT THREE MINIATURE PEPPERMINT PATTIES AND THEN I WILL FEEL BETTER.
you know what this is? this is about discipline. i am instituting a regime. i am forming a coup. (forming? catalyzing?) somehow, i think tough love is going to make this one better, so: no television, one hour of computer time minus dayjob or specific wedding tasks, some seroius cleaning and three vegetables a day. early rising. i am making rules. starting right now. vacation is over. no shame, no punishment, just some serious discipline, as if enforced from the outside by someone with moral authority.
i am saying this precisely so you can judge me if i barf it: six weeks minimum of austerity measures. beginning now. we'll see what this does.
