Friday, September 15, 2006
the willies.
we started new classes, and i had one on wednesday that gave me the worst recent attack of the Academic Jeebies on record. didn't get it. not what the professor was saying, not what the students were saying . . . and there are a bunch of PhDs in this class, so they are saying some stuff i am totally unprepared to deal with.
the thing is, i'm pretty sure i'm smart enough. whatever's at stake isn't the "smart enough" part. it's some other thing that i may or may not be able to do well or sophisticatedly enough. it's some combo plate of talking the weird talk and understanding those who do and certain affinities i may or may not share . . . i don't know yet. i feel like this year could easily be turned into one giant audition--for the PhD program, but also just sort of in general: to see if i'm good enough. i'm really looking forward to when i am mature enough not to care about this question.
i also have a certain famous person teaching a class on performance composition. i think it'll be good, but man is it weird to be back in an acting studio again. more on this one later, but here's what i think: i think i am finally old enough not to care about giving an acting teacher the right answer.
the thing is, i'm pretty sure i'm smart enough. whatever's at stake isn't the "smart enough" part. it's some other thing that i may or may not be able to do well or sophisticatedly enough. it's some combo plate of talking the weird talk and understanding those who do and certain affinities i may or may not share . . . i don't know yet. i feel like this year could easily be turned into one giant audition--for the PhD program, but also just sort of in general: to see if i'm good enough. i'm really looking forward to when i am mature enough not to care about this question.
i also have a certain famous person teaching a class on performance composition. i think it'll be good, but man is it weird to be back in an acting studio again. more on this one later, but here's what i think: i think i am finally old enough not to care about giving an acting teacher the right answer.
