Sunday, August 13, 2006
the last week of my twenties.
i'm actually excited about the birthday. we're going to my favorite secret bar, and people will either come or not, and my bridesman is coming in from pennsylvania, and the monkey is taking me somewhere mysterious for an overnight on friday. i haven't packed an overnight bag in forever.
if i've been a little subdued, it's because the third class of the summer is exposing me as someone who's been out of school for ten years and
and, actually, i don't think i can blame it on that.
it's just hard, and school has never been hard, and not only is it hard, it is not a great deal of fun right now. i sit there around a large table listening to people younger than me use words i don't understand. stuff goes by so fast, and i'm not getting it, and at home i'm reading things twice and doing internet research and wishing i had some cliff notes.
and overall, it's just making me kind of sad. suddenly it doesn't seem like a terrible prospect, not getting into a PhD. i don't like feeling slightly bad all the time.
and it's not "all the time," but it's been a rough week. maybe a better week is on its way, and even if it's not i realize it takes some cojones to complain about getting to go to school full time. it's just . . . not what i thought, right now, and i spend a lot of time feeling stupid.
if i've been a little subdued, it's because the third class of the summer is exposing me as someone who's been out of school for ten years and
and, actually, i don't think i can blame it on that.
it's just hard, and school has never been hard, and not only is it hard, it is not a great deal of fun right now. i sit there around a large table listening to people younger than me use words i don't understand. stuff goes by so fast, and i'm not getting it, and at home i'm reading things twice and doing internet research and wishing i had some cliff notes.
and overall, it's just making me kind of sad. suddenly it doesn't seem like a terrible prospect, not getting into a PhD. i don't like feeling slightly bad all the time.
and it's not "all the time," but it's been a rough week. maybe a better week is on its way, and even if it's not i realize it takes some cojones to complain about getting to go to school full time. it's just . . . not what i thought, right now, and i spend a lot of time feeling stupid.
