Tuesday, May 02, 2006
on boldness.
on our incredible bike ride on saturday, we stopped to eat our picnic lunch. as we walked the bikes down the path to the pond, i was talking about some of the bennies involved with being an NYU student. i'm pretty excited about the big gym/health center. the monkey is wondering if there is a way for him to get in on that action.
"i dunno," i say. "they offer some benefits to same sex domestic partners or spouses, but you have to pay. and there's the 'same sex' part."
"so unfair!" the monkey cried. "why would they discriminate against us?"
"well, we could get married if we wanted to, which isn't true for everybody."
"true." pause. "should we do that registration thing?"
silence silence silence.
this came up a few months ago, when an older friend in a committed relationship said that he and his girlfriend went to city hall and regisered their partnership. you should do it, he said. it's a good idea. i mentioned it to the monkey, but my feeling was that it's more important for us to sign the papers giving each other power of attorney and leaving our equity in the apartment to each other in the case of unimaginable disaster. we keep forgetting to do this, and remembering and getting it done is probably important than waltzing off to city hall to gain a title.
but he, apparently, kind of wants to do it.
i'm curious about why. my instinct is that he's interested in this 'registration' for the same reason he goes out of his way to use the Equity discount at Kinko's: he loves qualifying for any new toy or priviledge, regardless of its actual value or utility. i asked him if it was more about practicality--gaining the right to visit each other in the hospital--or more about some sort of public recognition of what we are.
and he said it was the latter. which, actually, is nice. but confusing, because he did not say: let's announce it and have a party with our friends where everyone wears funny hats! let's make a special day! let's call your parents! let's buy each other rubber bracelets! or anything that would make doing this thing an actual statement to anyone around us. not to mention the giganticly begged question of why one wouldn't go about satisfying the desire for public and legal recognition with what we traditionally call a wedding.
in fact, he didn't say he wanted me to be his registered partner, or ask me if i would. he asked me if i thought we should do it. groan. the love of my life is such a weenie. he's too shy to ball up even for the st. joesph's baby aspirin of all proposals.
how badly can you want something if you can't even bring yourself to ask for it?
"i dunno," i say. "they offer some benefits to same sex domestic partners or spouses, but you have to pay. and there's the 'same sex' part."
"so unfair!" the monkey cried. "why would they discriminate against us?"
"well, we could get married if we wanted to, which isn't true for everybody."
"true." pause. "should we do that registration thing?"
silence silence silence.
this came up a few months ago, when an older friend in a committed relationship said that he and his girlfriend went to city hall and regisered their partnership. you should do it, he said. it's a good idea. i mentioned it to the monkey, but my feeling was that it's more important for us to sign the papers giving each other power of attorney and leaving our equity in the apartment to each other in the case of unimaginable disaster. we keep forgetting to do this, and remembering and getting it done is probably important than waltzing off to city hall to gain a title.
but he, apparently, kind of wants to do it.
i'm curious about why. my instinct is that he's interested in this 'registration' for the same reason he goes out of his way to use the Equity discount at Kinko's: he loves qualifying for any new toy or priviledge, regardless of its actual value or utility. i asked him if it was more about practicality--gaining the right to visit each other in the hospital--or more about some sort of public recognition of what we are.
and he said it was the latter. which, actually, is nice. but confusing, because he did not say: let's announce it and have a party with our friends where everyone wears funny hats! let's make a special day! let's call your parents! let's buy each other rubber bracelets! or anything that would make doing this thing an actual statement to anyone around us. not to mention the giganticly begged question of why one wouldn't go about satisfying the desire for public and legal recognition with what we traditionally call a wedding.
in fact, he didn't say he wanted me to be his registered partner, or ask me if i would. he asked me if i thought we should do it. groan. the love of my life is such a weenie. he's too shy to ball up even for the st. joesph's baby aspirin of all proposals.
how badly can you want something if you can't even bring yourself to ask for it?
