Tuesday, March 14, 2006
hash marks.
i've started thinking about what i want to do before school starts in june. one of the things i like about being an adult with no kids, a partner and a part-time job is that, for the first time in my life, i have a little bit of down time. in college i had two majors and a 40-hour-a-week rehearsal schedule. in seattle i actually was in plays. things i chose and liked, but that meant there weren't a lot of luxurious baths or saturday afternoons spent making bread.
do i make bread now? not so much. but i could if i wanted. and i do sleep in more. i read more. i actually watch movies. and the baths: oh, yes.
some of this will go away. and that's okay. but i'd like to get some good selfish time in before it evaporates.
plus, there's the organization that i'm telling myself i can accomplish before regimented study begins. i can start with a clean slate. i can at least mend that sweater and return the pants that don't fit to l.l. bean.
it was one of those uncomfortably anxiety-ridden mornings. not Big Crazy, but the days when i really remember what the Big Crazy is like. there is so much to do, both the kind i want to do and the kind i've never been good at getting done. this is making even the prospect of fitting in the good stuff sound like a chore. must take portraits of boyfriend! must ice skate! must bake cupcakes! must file papers, do taxes, organize desk and throw out a bunch of crap! must get high in central park again!
if i could borrow molly's inner therapist, i think she would say: so, are you going to make a list and methodically get those things done? or are you going to admit that if being messy and slightly slothful are your worst attributes*, you are probably an okay person?
because it pretty much has to be one of those, or anxiety wins.
(*she doesn't know about the pouting.)
do i make bread now? not so much. but i could if i wanted. and i do sleep in more. i read more. i actually watch movies. and the baths: oh, yes.
some of this will go away. and that's okay. but i'd like to get some good selfish time in before it evaporates.
plus, there's the organization that i'm telling myself i can accomplish before regimented study begins. i can start with a clean slate. i can at least mend that sweater and return the pants that don't fit to l.l. bean.
it was one of those uncomfortably anxiety-ridden mornings. not Big Crazy, but the days when i really remember what the Big Crazy is like. there is so much to do, both the kind i want to do and the kind i've never been good at getting done. this is making even the prospect of fitting in the good stuff sound like a chore. must take portraits of boyfriend! must ice skate! must bake cupcakes! must file papers, do taxes, organize desk and throw out a bunch of crap! must get high in central park again!
if i could borrow molly's inner therapist, i think she would say: so, are you going to make a list and methodically get those things done? or are you going to admit that if being messy and slightly slothful are your worst attributes*, you are probably an okay person?
because it pretty much has to be one of those, or anxiety wins.
(*she doesn't know about the pouting.)
