Thursday, July 21, 2005


al fresco.

i'm in bryant park, mofos!

pros: outside. so nice. not humid. this folding park chair is oddly more comfortable than my expensive desk chair at work, which was clearly designed for a six foot tall man. when i put my butt in the butt spot, my knees hit before the end of the seat does, so i look a lot like Edith Ann and my back is killing me.

cons: bad pop band playing. reallly bad. these people all want to be in RENT. nice caterpillar that was crawling on the railing in front of me is mysteriously gone--i looked away and he had vanished. there are many of those small park birds around; i suspect foul play. the shady spot i picked has become a sunny spot and i can feel my shoulder skin burning and am too lazy to move.

i went to happy hour last night with my friend K-To, who's been abroad. we'd each had momentous conversations since she'd been gone. she broke up with her three-year boyfriend; i told the monkey that i was pretty sure, now that i'm on a more even keel, that i can say with certainty that i don't want to live here. i have another year in me, probably two, maybe even three, but i am actively looking forward to getting out. some time while he was at his summer stock gig i realized that the trial period has elapsed, and i am an unsatisfied customer.

good thing we just bought an apartment.

no, it'll be okay. we'll do some renovations and sell it without casualty. providing this "bubble" i keep hearing about stays intact.

but when i was telling K about the conversation, i asked her to imagine two pieces of sushi on a silver plate. one is my certainty that i don't want to be here a whole lot longer. the other is the monkey's sure feeling that he will not be ready to leave in two years. for now, we are just leaving them both on the plate, and sort of . . . observing them.

"just two small truths on a plate," i told her.

"turds?" she said.

"truths." pause. "or turds, i guess."

K-To nodded sagely. "truth turds."


(omg! the caterpillar is back! he was just hiding out in my blind spot! possibly this is emblematic of a greater truth! i mean, turd!)


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