Monday, June 20, 2005


the journey of a thousand miles.

the best one has a charming weakness for self-help (i totally just typoed: self-hope) books and infomercial beauty products. one day she told me about this book, and seemed really hopeful that the philosophy of small steps had the power to change the lives of those of us who look at our To Do This Lifetime lists and are immediately so overwhelmed that we are capable only of napping or getting high and watching HBO.

right after she told me about this book, i saw a weight watchers ad about taking "small steps toward health" that actually made me cry. the commercial featured this angelic-looking lady in a big pink sweatshirt who was joyfully and dutifully small-stepping all over the beach while snacking on some raw vegetables.

i've been thinking about all of this, and how i would like it to be me on the beach with the celery sticks, but really, more than that, i would like it to be me able to sleep at night without drugs

(although, item: this one would be less hard if the woman in the next apartment who, i have to say, has terrible terrible hair, wouldn't slam the door next to my head twenty minutes after i've managed to doze off)

and able to coutenance a weekend-worth of duties and chores without going all shit-eyes crazy and stuttering around the apartment making lists and heating up frozen pizzas. i've been thinking about small steps a lot, and realizing just how small they would have to be for me to make a beginning.

i really do try to eat a cookie every day. and most days, i succeed.


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