kerouac says

i think maybe one of the worst things is that when something good happens to someone who intimidates me, or whom i envy, or who cut in front of me once in the lunch line, i'm convinced all anew that i will never measure up.

this is me saying the words, and never mind the gagging sounds: good for you! a rising tide lifts all boats! if i can't have this thing that i want, i'm glad you have it!

gulp.