Tuesday, May 11, 2004


this is not my beautiful wife.

we went to a seminar about home ownership at the credit union last night.

good lord, am i scared.

i love the monkey more than just about anything you can name. you'd think this would temper my fear about the future--and i suppose it does, a little, but not a lot. now that i have one precious thing in my hands, i worry a lot about something bad happening to it. this following your bliss bullshit was a lot easier when it was just me. now that it's me and someone i might want to have babies with, i'm suddenly incredibly worried about when and for how long we will manage to get health insurance, where said potential babies will be born, live and go to school, and what it will be like if the acting never pays the bills.

because chances are, it won't. and that's not my fear talking, just math. and the monkey is adamant about not wanting to do anything else. in fact, i bet he's willing to give up more parts of life than i am in order to ride the idea about being an actor as far into the sunset as he can. i've always assumed my makeup includes a sort of line in the sand, beyond which i will not remain poor/unfulfilled/unhappy/unbabied in order to pursue a career that won't love me back. i don't think he's got a line.

i wish my pants off that i could be a little easier going about this. we're still young, right? still.

i guess we'll find our way. and i'll be the one seeing snakes in every shadow until we get there.


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