Monday, May 03, 2004


just guessing.

my grandmother's sick. i knew this, but apparently she's more urgently ill than ever before. the day after my mom flew back home, she sent an email saying that my grandmother, with her kids' knowledge and support, was going to start declining her blood pressure medication, which would probably cause a "cardiac event" within a week.

it's one thing to know someone's pretty much done with living, and quite another to know there's a plan in place to bring on their death. my grandmother and i aren't even that close, but i was just swamped with tears. i wondered what it was like for my dad to know there was a plan to put an end to his mother, however old and tired she is. i wondered just how you manage the visiting when a family member is dying far away. if you can only afford one set of plane tickets, do you go when she's healthy? when she's very sick, hoping you can catch the last days and the funeral in one go? after the death, to help with the clean up? is your answer different if you're not going to say goodbye so much as to comfort the rest of your family? this stuff is really distasteful.

just as i was descending into it wholesale, though, a call came from the parents. apparently all plans are off while she rethinks in concert with her doctor. i guess i have a reprieve.

in other news, i was bereft to find my wallet stolen on friday, at the school where i work. i had left my bag unattended for three minutes or so while i confabbed with the normally stony and unavailable principal about a mental health referral for one of my particular favorite students. i discovered lack of wallet, and students were patted down, contact info was taken, garbage was pawed through. i was pretty invested in my sadness over all this, so imagine my surprise when i walked into the USA Gourmet Foods #3 Deli to get my coffee this morning, and the owner guy held up my driver's license and said, twinkling, "you know this girl?"

i have no idea how this happened, except that i now owe the student body of the two schools in my building a huge apology. poor kids. everyone thinks they steal things all the time, even when it's just a dumb white lady apparently leaving her wallet at the deli case*.

*that's where they found it, except i wasn't even near the deli case. i can't figure it.


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