Monday, January 05, 2004


come out, come out wherever you are.

after the monkey and i had begun keeping company, but before any admission of feeeeelings, i googled his name. what came back, along with the requisite old show photos and programs, were a bunch of articles written for an online gaming magazine. most of them were about the, ahem, star trek customizable card game.

i've always had a penchant for the dorky. especially for the smart dorky. and not only the customizeable-card-game-players and i got teased by the same beautiful people in middle school. there's something sort of baby-animal about someone with a secret, mild soft spot for star trek. it's like finding a photograph of your lover as a pre-teen, with big eyes, long arms and bad hair. it makes me want to coo.

so i read these online articles, and i realized that the handsome, articulate man i was falling in love with was oddly conversant in the political history of the cardassian/romulan conflict, and actually spoke a few words of kling-on. i'm sure it didn't hurt that he also talked to me about john coltrane and shakespeare, but the revelation of his inner dorky made tenderness seep out my holes everytime i thought of him. the one who's least afraid and i giggled for hours planning how i'd let him know i'd found his secret. we'd scheme that i would send him off to the bar to order our drinks with the words, "Make it so!"

eventually, i just let it slip in conversation that i'd found his articles. he was mortified, although he eventually believed that i found it endearing. and it's funny now, to think he ever would have hidden it. saturday night i went out for drinks with the best one, and i left him at home relaxing on the couch, gleefully and unabashedly absorbed in a new pastime. and i felt so much love for the perfect grace note that the dorky puts on his personality that i thought i might have to burp.


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