Saturday, November 22, 2003

 

it's not there.

i can't sleep, i can't sleep i can't sleep.

today i realized i've been pretending this is transitory problem, but really, i can remember only one night since i got here in which i didn't have a sleeping problem. once i finally get to sleep at night, i've been waking up between three and five every morning, staying awake for a few hours. it's parly why i've been sleeping so late--if i can stay in bed until ten, i can go back to sleep for a couple hours.

i'm exhausted. and i'm mad. and impotent . . . nothing i'm trying works. i guess it's time for drugs.

i'm scared. not sleeping in a new place means it's not going well, and i have a vested interest in this going well.

scared.

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