Saturday, November 22, 2003
it's not there.
i can't sleep, i can't sleep i can't sleep.
today i realized i've been pretending this is transitory problem, but really, i can remember only one night since i got here in which i didn't have a sleeping problem. once i finally get to sleep at night, i've been waking up between three and five every morning, staying awake for a few hours. it's parly why i've been sleeping so late--if i can stay in bed until ten, i can go back to sleep for a couple hours.
i'm exhausted. and i'm mad. and impotent . . . nothing i'm trying works. i guess it's time for drugs.
i'm scared. not sleeping in a new place means it's not going well, and i have a vested interest in this going well.
scared.
today i realized i've been pretending this is transitory problem, but really, i can remember only one night since i got here in which i didn't have a sleeping problem. once i finally get to sleep at night, i've been waking up between three and five every morning, staying awake for a few hours. it's parly why i've been sleeping so late--if i can stay in bed until ten, i can go back to sleep for a couple hours.
i'm exhausted. and i'm mad. and impotent . . . nothing i'm trying works. i guess it's time for drugs.
i'm scared. not sleeping in a new place means it's not going well, and i have a vested interest in this going well.
scared.
