Wednesday, September 17, 2003
well, jeez.
even though i've maybe never been the sort, everyone sort of wants a millenial-quality party of the first magnitude. i thought leaving seattle was a good time to have it, but rehearsals precluded planning, and then when we got back to town from edinburgh it was all i could do to call the rendezvous and book the upstairs room. i suppose i should have guessed. the people who did show were lovely, but the vision ended up lacking. and a few very precious folks who assured me they'd be there were missing, and i miss them.
but the here and now is all new york. it's like running uphill constantly, on asphalt. i'm terribly scared everytime i'm daunted that *i won't like it*, and god knows what that means, since i don't think i can go back and the monkey certainly isn't leaving.
except the first day was great. capital. and now, i'm frightened by how much i don't know. children on the subway know more about this place than i do. it's a long road from here to day-player roles on law and order: special victims unit.
so, i dunno. it'll work out. in the meantime, the unsettledness is wearing on me, and worse, making me critical. it's hard for this place to do right when nothing's good enough.
even though i've maybe never been the sort, everyone sort of wants a millenial-quality party of the first magnitude. i thought leaving seattle was a good time to have it, but rehearsals precluded planning, and then when we got back to town from edinburgh it was all i could do to call the rendezvous and book the upstairs room. i suppose i should have guessed. the people who did show were lovely, but the vision ended up lacking. and a few very precious folks who assured me they'd be there were missing, and i miss them.
but the here and now is all new york. it's like running uphill constantly, on asphalt. i'm terribly scared everytime i'm daunted that *i won't like it*, and god knows what that means, since i don't think i can go back and the monkey certainly isn't leaving.
except the first day was great. capital. and now, i'm frightened by how much i don't know. children on the subway know more about this place than i do. it's a long road from here to day-player roles on law and order: special victims unit.
so, i dunno. it'll work out. in the meantime, the unsettledness is wearing on me, and worse, making me critical. it's hard for this place to do right when nothing's good enough.
