Wednesday, April 09, 2003
this morning, there were people trying to tear down a statue of saddam hussein in baghdad. i felt a little like birds-in-the-chest, when i turned it on while i was brushing my teeth and suddenly it kind of looked like the war was over. it's not, but. for a second i got glad when i thought it was.
here, things are only a little slimy. i had to spend yesterday in conversation with the manager who gave me the news on monday. she'd let me know that my contract would only be extended for two more weeks, but that i'd get paid whether i worked those two weeks or not. after sleeping on it, i came to the inevitable conclusion that i would rather fly to see the monkey for two weeks than come in to work. which caused a flurry of office visits, after which the news came down: the offer was wrong. no severance at all--rather, two weeks' notice.
boss: well. see, i misunderstood. i thought i was approved to offer you that because one of your colleauges who was also laid off is getting two paid weeks in lieu of notice. because she's very. . . emotional, and if we let her back in the building, we think she'll make trouble.
me: are you serious?
boss: well.
me: so, i have to work the next two weeks?
boss: well. yes. and also, we hear you were telling people that you were offered two week's pay in lieu of notice.
me: i was offered that. was it supposed to be a secret?
boss: well. we're going to need your help in dispelling that rumor. could you just say out loud that you were wrong about that, in everyone's hearing?
me: are you serious?
boss: well.
me: you want me to manufacture a false conversation in my cubicle so that my neighbors will hear that i'm not getting extra pay?
boss: well. yes. and in return, we're prepared to actually give you a week's pay in lieu of notice, which no one else is getting, but you can't say that part out loud.
corporate america, you astound me.
here, things are only a little slimy. i had to spend yesterday in conversation with the manager who gave me the news on monday. she'd let me know that my contract would only be extended for two more weeks, but that i'd get paid whether i worked those two weeks or not. after sleeping on it, i came to the inevitable conclusion that i would rather fly to see the monkey for two weeks than come in to work. which caused a flurry of office visits, after which the news came down: the offer was wrong. no severance at all--rather, two weeks' notice.
boss: well. see, i misunderstood. i thought i was approved to offer you that because one of your colleauges who was also laid off is getting two paid weeks in lieu of notice. because she's very. . . emotional, and if we let her back in the building, we think she'll make trouble.
me: are you serious?
boss: well.
me: so, i have to work the next two weeks?
boss: well. yes. and also, we hear you were telling people that you were offered two week's pay in lieu of notice.
me: i was offered that. was it supposed to be a secret?
boss: well. we're going to need your help in dispelling that rumor. could you just say out loud that you were wrong about that, in everyone's hearing?
me: are you serious?
boss: well.
me: you want me to manufacture a false conversation in my cubicle so that my neighbors will hear that i'm not getting extra pay?
boss: well. yes. and in return, we're prepared to actually give you a week's pay in lieu of notice, which no one else is getting, but you can't say that part out loud.
corporate america, you astound me.
