Saturday, April 26, 2003
partnership must be one of the biggest grab bags in existence. these continual soft tests . . . mostly sweet ones, mostly less tests than agreements, but sometimes . . . sometimes you take sixty percent of the resistance.
the difference, i suppose, is whether or not you feel relieved after. at least that's the difference so far. i have never ended an evening with this one feeling like the wrongness, the eventual failure is staring me in the face.
so, a morning of unreasonableness. as the monkey said in a note later, sick of it. waiting for magic phone times and flights to arrive and not saying goodbye until the perfect moment hummingbirds through. i wonder if i'm not a little sick of it myself.
i think: even if i weren't sure by other means, i would be noticing what a terrible drain it is to doubt. i am interested in providing a nice bed for the joy fairy to come and have her kittens in. if i'm tired, tired and sure, i am even more tired of the drag that the what ifs put on our momentum. today, it is easy to say, oh, please. please. let's just get on with the happiness and leave the rest of this here on the curb. you know you want to.
the difference, i suppose, is whether or not you feel relieved after. at least that's the difference so far. i have never ended an evening with this one feeling like the wrongness, the eventual failure is staring me in the face.
so, a morning of unreasonableness. as the monkey said in a note later, sick of it. waiting for magic phone times and flights to arrive and not saying goodbye until the perfect moment hummingbirds through. i wonder if i'm not a little sick of it myself.
i think: even if i weren't sure by other means, i would be noticing what a terrible drain it is to doubt. i am interested in providing a nice bed for the joy fairy to come and have her kittens in. if i'm tired, tired and sure, i am even more tired of the drag that the what ifs put on our momentum. today, it is easy to say, oh, please. please. let's just get on with the happiness and leave the rest of this here on the curb. you know you want to.
